Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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