mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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