"it" just moved
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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