thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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