After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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