He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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