What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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