ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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