I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
