Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
