I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
