Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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