I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
