I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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