Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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