Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
