I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
