Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
