Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wear drunk well.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
