Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
