But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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