I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
