Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am one with the molecules
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
