I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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