we're chasing vodka with high fives
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
