**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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