I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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