All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
