life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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