dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
