I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
