The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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