That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
