for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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