I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
