whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
