Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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