Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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