are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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