the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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