Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
