I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
