I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
