His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
