Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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