Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
