I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
