I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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