feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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