So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
