This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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