I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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